Revising my indicators

My indicators of success up until now have been:
1) Strong story beginning, middle, and end, including key elements such as character, setting, problem, solution, dialogue, etc. (described in detail using storybook language), and
2) Partners sharing ideas, taking turns and building off of each other’s ideas in a collaborative way to jointly construct the story

Within my focal pair, it is clear that the story play process is supporting these two students in developing the key elements of their stories. They have also made tremendous progress in their collaborative process together. And so, I have begun to shift my attention more towards the oral language development of my focal student, Destiny, I need new indicators of success.

Part of the reason Destiny was having trouble working with her partner early on was that Azucena didn’t understand what Destiny was talking about as they planned their story together:

A - This is the princess, right?
D – Yeah, and he said, “Queeen” because—

A – [Watching] Is that the queen?

D – [Drawing] –the prince is going to be queen. I’ll draw some eyes.

A – That. What is that? Who is that, the boy?

D – Yeah, the boy that’s going to be—to give the queen to the princess.

A – But where’s the queen? I want to draw the queen. [Begins drawing]

D – [Watching, then pushes A out of the way and begins drawing] No, this is the queen and here, here’s her momma. 

Even in Destiny's final dictation of that story, the characters are still confusing:

This is the queen, and he said, “Queen” and that’s the queen, and then the boy comed and said, “The princess is too young to be queen.” And then the princess—and then the boy, um, comed and saves her and goes right there. And she has a mom and she, and she’s, and the princess is saying, “Where are we going?” and then found her mom right there, standing. And then, and then, and then the mom comed with her, and then she said, “You will go by yourself, with the boy.” And then the boy comed with her and saved her. And he says, “We need to go fast.”

What I am trying to figure out is why this story is so confusing. What are the oral language skills she is missing that would make her story understandable? How do I want to see her oral language skill develop? What are reasonable goals or expectations for her?

I am trying to revise my indicators to focus specifically on oral language skills. Although verb tense is clearly an area of difficulty, it is a typical problem for many children at this age and it doesn't interfere as much with the content of the story or her ability to work with a partner. My goal here is more about meaning than academic language. Vocabulary misuse and confusion, on the other hand, does interfere with the content of Destiny's stories. Prepositions and possibly pronouns also seem to be important elements she has been struggling with and which have made her stories confusing. 

What I would like help with, is to look at Destiny's story planning and dictation with a focus on her oral language skills. I want to see if and how her language skills changed over the course of the fall, and then decide what are the most appropriate goals for her now.

DESTINY LANGUAGE SAMPLES FROM THE FALL:

10/4/12 (planning)
We also can make a boat...Because, something for the shark can come, jump, and save them then eat them...And lets do a princess. And the princess was walking in the water. And she says, “Oh, I don’t have no mom.” ... And the princess could say. “Oh, I don’t have no dad and mom.” And then she could say—and then she was playing in the bottom [???] and then the shark comes and eats the princess.

10/4/12 (drawing)
She says, [in storybook voice] “Oh no, I have no—maybe I walk to the water… and see all the fishes.” And the fishes—shark—now we need to make a, so little fishes. Some little fishes. Some little sharks. Little sharks. (A – I’m gonna make little fishes in the sea.) Ok, that’s the little shark. That’s the baby shark, right?

10/4/12 (dictation)
This is a little shark and this is a ocean and the princess is walking through the ocean and she says, “I don’t have no dad or mom,” and then the shark eats the princess and there’s a sun and there was a boat and they saved the princess.

10/25/12 (drawing)
(A – This is the princess, right?) Yeah, and he said, “Queeen” because— (A –Is that the queen?) –the prince is going to be queen. I’ll draw some eyes. (A – That. What is that? Who is that, the boy?) Yeah, the boy that’s going to be—to give the queen to the princess. (A – But where’s the queen? I want to draw the queen.) No, this is the queen and here, here’s her momma.

10/25/12 (dictation)
This is the queen, and he said, “Queen” and that’s the queen, and then the boy comed and said, “The princess is too young to be queen.” And then the princess—and then the boy, um, comed and saves her and goes right there. And she has a mom and she, and she’s, and the princess is saying, “Where are we going?” and then found her mom right there, standing. And then, and then, and then the mom comed with her, and then she said, “You will go by yourself, with the boy.” And then the boy comed with her and saved her. And he says, “We need to go fast.”

11/15/12 (planning)
Let me tell you. There was a castle. The princess found a castle and there was crocodiles…And the princess said, “[?]” and her mom came in and found her… And then her momma was dead and the princess was not dead, right? And then the princess had a, like, a magic, a magic something that—(A – Made her momma come alive, yeah!) Uh-huh. And then her momma turned alive and the crocodiles… and then the mom and the— (A – They killed the crocodiles, right?) Yeah. No, the crocodiles were sleeping and— (A – They killed them.) Her mom, and, and the princess killed the crocodiles, the three crocodiles.

11/15/12 (dictation)
There was a princess and there was a castle and the princess saw the castle and the crocodiles ate her mother and then the princess has a magic wand and she turned her mother and she was still alive. The princess said, “Mom, let’s go back to our castle and check who’s in there.” There was no water there and it was raining and there was a lovely rainbow (D).

11/30/12 (planning)
There was a boy, and then the boy died of Kindergarten [?] and the name was Ravin and that was cool... and then they taked them to the police. I mean to the fire station. And there was a fairy inside and then sh-- and then they magic-ed him to do--back into a people, right?

11/30/12 (drawing)
There was a fire station and there was a boy and there was a police and the boy got lost. And then the fireman found the boy [?] (and this whole big--) and then the boy was alive.

Indicators	Focal Student #2 – D.T.
I:  Appropriate use of vocabulary	☐Met ☐Not met  ☐ Partially Evidence/How can you tell? Vocabulary difficulty interfering with characters and setting: - 10-4-12 Little fishes / little sharks confusion - 10-25-12 Prince/princess/queen confusion - 11-30-12 Police station / fire station confusion
II:  Appropriate prepositions	☐Met ☐Not met  ☐ Partially Evidence/How can you tell? Misuse of prepositions creates plot confusion: - 11-30-12  “then the boy died of Kindergarten”
III:  Appropriate pronouns	☐Met ☐Not met  ☐ Partially Evidence/How can you tell? - 10-4-12 "Something" as subject ; eat "them" - 10-4-12 "they" saved the princess - 10-25-12 "he" / "she" issues